Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
Just stepped in shit. Not sure if its mine or the dog's. Get some of our friends on the way back from work and just have the intervention now. I will totally understand.
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Oh, AND I met a ukulele teacher that I'd date. So there's that.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
They're the one who can profit the most when given the opportunity for blackmail.
At least that's how I've always seen it whenever I've been the Designated Driver.
That simultaneously explains everything and makes me very very terrified of you.
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
