Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I can't do a walk of shame with a sombrero full of baby chickens
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
Also cheers for the reminder to check last night's texts. It's been a magical adventure through drunk me's thought process.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
As a BFF it is your duty to answer when I drunk call you at 3 in the morning because I couldn't find a knife to cut that cake. I finally found one, fell asleep with it and the cake in bed. K thanks bye.
I know her cup size but not her name....
so you might not believe this but he made a powerpoint. and gave you a 3.5/10.
Randomize