I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
I just went through her cupboards. Eye patch and sword. nowhere near each other. different shelfs.
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
My Internet history has 23 searches for 24 hour cake. Self respect plummeting.
I am going to MURDER whoever gave him my phone number but it was probably drunk me so I'm conflicted.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
I was struggling morally, but once I let go, I came pretty hard.
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
You are not allowed to sing ever again, my ears are still ringing.
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