When you're about to leave, tell him "bye." At that point, he should say something. If he doesn't say anything, well, our drinks were free and he gets a free make out with yours truly.
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I deem it safe for us to drink together again.
They dropped the charges?
Yeppers. Come drink beers.
Come my child we shall walk thru the pasture of amazing sex and corndogs. Hint:some corndogs are not corndogs.
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
It is officially Christmas time in Chicago. There's a drunk hobo on the CTA singing the first 2 lines of Frosty the Snowman over and over and over.
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
You also thought the cure to hiccups was drowning yourself (and you were right)
I just want to trick people into going on dates with me so they can bring back to their houses and let me use their wifi.
he called me his ex's name during sex then proceeded to cry while still in me
I'm definitely not mad. My best friend is dating my drug dealer, it's impossible to be mad.
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