Dude there are two smokin hot chicks laying outside my apartment...I almost want to tell them theyre laying where I threw up last night
U should. Its a good ice breaker
i asked him how he could stand the smell of skunk. his answer was "it smells like good weed"...
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I woke on the floor next to a big TV. Apparently I traded my bed for a 52 inch samsung and a box of pop tarts.
How long is a courtesy make out supposed to last??
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
Did i actually sleep there? Or did i just get sand everywhere?
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
You're the only person not starstruck by him
Yes. That tends to happen after you regularly lick someone's balls.
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
Self reach around competition is what the Olympics has been missing all along. A true test of athleticism.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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