Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
His shopping cart was nothing but malt liquor and zucchini.
Things you are not allowed to do while im gone: sell cats on ebay, put cats in freezer again, shave cats like lions, dye cats pink/blue, try to light cats on fire to"wake them up from their nap" agian
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
I need to hump something and I know u understand.
seriously, i never want to drink Robitussin again. her face was melting as i tried to convince her i wasnt high and i probably would have fucked ray. his parents thought i was a sweet charming lesbian.
This is why you are not allowed out in public.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
That guy u hooked me up with kept calling me james while were doing it...
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