still drunk. talking shit to the doc drawing my blood. this has no upside
Dude i think i got lasagna in my eye
You fell on your face and the waitress just brought you a fresh drink
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Ya. I wonder how much being a beard for a major league baseball player pays. This could be a lucrative arrangement...
I cried at the bouncer while saying I wished he was my father... They had no idea what to do with me.
So, this year for my birthday, want to get rip-roaring schmammered and watch my episode of my super sweet 16? We can do lines off my tiara.
You know you're baked when you feel your throat closing up from an allergic reaction to the pecans in the cookie you're eating but you keep eating the damn cookie.
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
I mean you can one up her. Instead of ruining friendships you can ruin marriages.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
