Forget about socially acceptable. Make me happy instead
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Actually, considering the facts that I am wearing a duct tape dress and eating a gas station quesadilla, I am pretty good.
The bad decision stars are too close to aligning to risk this tonight.
We made a water bong out of a wine bottle... Being an architect major finally payed off.
My chiropractor just high fived me for getting drunk enough to throw my back out this weekend.. Life. Complete.
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
It's a sexual break up. We maintain a friendship and leave any and all sexual attraction out. It's not hard, having a baby is harder than that.
woke up with 4 bruises, 2 hickies and a bad case of rug burn. texans are dangerous.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
Randomize
