I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
it feels like theres a golf ball between my legs. the sex was totally worth it tho.
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
Dude are you wearing a trashbag right now?....
I seemed to have misplaced my pants...
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
Remind me to tell you about how I hit a tree with my car last night.
I'll be glad to.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
