First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
He used one end of the towel to wipe the cum and I used the other end to wipe the tears
Seeing a catheter being inserted into a penis severely diminished my sex life
not my fault hes the one that tried to cuddle after. said he wanted to spoon away the shame.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
You had your shirt off checking IDs at the door and you don't even work there
He's rescued me passed out naked on the playground next door and I've rescued him passed out naked in the middle of campus. That's why we're a great couple.
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
You would think a husband, a boyfriend, and a vibrator would be enough. But sadly it's not
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I now have a "weirdest thing a guy ever did in bed" story. Cut my fingernails.
Yeah I'm gonna need you to stop it right there.I know this is supposed to be a safe space but Imma have to exit.
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
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