Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Doing blow at 6am to "wake myself up for clinicals" was a baaaaad idea
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
I've just informed her that you've voted her Chief-Adult-In-Charge-Of-Shit and that she will take the oath of office on Fri Dec 14th at 8 pm with her hand on a bottle of Jager.
You peed on a pole and declared to a cop that it was your pole and yelled at him to not even look at it, and then yelled at all of us for looking at it.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Why is our fridge full of girl scout cookies and rum?
You told me to go grocery shopping.
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
my face feels like mints and my body feels like tingles
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