You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
new low.... made out with someone while peeing
good. and stop kissing my girl you dirty slut.
i don't think she's still your girl..plus, she kept screaming "kiss me! i'm a lesbian!" last night so i think you're outta luck..
I looked up to you, until I saw her walk out of your room.
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
Does it make me a prostitute if I accepted a Life House concert ticket for giving this guy head?
No. It just means your good at giving head.
I feel like someone had their period in my eyes.
I'm sorry I got a little outta control last night.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
Trying to figure out the logistics of putting my laptop speakers on this plate with the last slice of pizza. Too drunk to move the plate. Not an option.
Told my fifteen year old cousin's friend what to sext his girlfriend last night. He was scarred for life but she fucking loved it.
I have in my possession one ukulele shaped package.
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
