They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
No more tipping the bathroom attendant with your phone.
U asked everyone for their hoodies so u could "safely hug the cactus"
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I Pavlov-trained him by smacking him in the nuts anytime I caught him looking at another girl in public. To this day, he's afraid to break eye contact with me in a restaurant if a tall busty blonde walks in.
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
I wore sunglasses to take a shower. I might be hungover.
Our drunk hook up was interrupted by the delivery guy. When he came back to my room we ate the gyros and went back to sex like we didn't take a lunch break.
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
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