he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
I think your going to be the cause of an awesome death
If people don't want my drunken phone call then TAKE YOUR FUCKING NUMER OFF OF FACEBOOK, like it's just that easy...
It was smashing those cupcakes into my face that did it. Junk food and I don't mix.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
There is a positive side to a sinus infection. Exclusively cowgirl sex. I've convinced her I'd pass out if I had to do the work.
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
I feel like my nipples were chewed on by alligators.
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
Just streaked campus for a bottle of patron...maybe you're right...I might have a drinking problem...
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He ate me out while Space Jam was on. My life is complete.
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Randomize
