i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
Could you please tell me why If you were a 21 year old man why you would want to sleep with a girl who has tinkerbell bedding?
are you going to last longer than 15 seconds
nope
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
My leg won't stop wagging. It's like it's congratulating my vagina.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I don't even know where to begin....there's queso sauce and public hair stuck to everything
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
You just sat there for two solid hours staring at your monitor and every five minutes screamed "LEGOOOOOS"
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
He licked me while I ate pretzels and chips. I was really living my best life.
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