im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
Take a shit and have a hit. It's the Sunday Funday Rule.
A stoners worse nightmare? Well packaged snacks. Just took me 5 mins to get a cinnamon roll out of the package. And another 3 mins to properly type this text
Just did. I played that shit out so casual I deserve an Oscar. Or am Emmy, or whatever the fuck you get for acting like a boss
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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