Last night while we were having sex, 'God bless the USA' started playing on his itunes. He came almost immediately... so awkward.
Hilbilly word of the day is cedar, example....I knowed she ain\'t got no panties on cuz I cedar cooter.
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
the facebook you made of my ass has 10 times more friends than i do.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
It's national "dress up your pet day" come over. Drugs and dressed up cats..it's the shit dreams are made of.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
