Let's play a little game called "Chill the Fuck Out" - you're our first contestant
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
just saw your exgirlfriend at the mall. her sister is pretty hot.
called that a week into the relationship. like driving off the lot with a 2010 and seeing the 2011 models coming in on the truck.
1 I really miss college walks of shame 2 I think I may have killed this girls cat
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
Uhg.. This isn't fair. I just want to have sex with you until i lose consciousness, wake up and start over... is that so much to ask?
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
So I found where you barfed in my house. Just wanted to let you know that my cat barfed on the kitchen floor in a show of solidarity
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
