I'm destined to be knocked up by a sailor
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
In a meeting with the accounting department. This shit is even more boring in real life and there isn't a professor to wake me up.
Operation liquormelon is in full effect. We may die tonight.
Freshman ate returning to campus. Let Operation Slut Storm commence.
I hope in my next life I'm a sterile trophy wife. With a husband who showers me in wealth and gifts but can't get a hard on. Do you think my karma is good enough for that?
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
True but, who really needs money in europe? Just barter with sexual favors. A bowl of cereal is worth a blowjob.
So I craigslisted sugar daddies and I'm pretty sure I found us one if you can pretend to be asian.
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
can we fuck so we can live up to our nicknames for eachother?
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
Randomize
