Let's bang like we're on a Lifetime Channel movie.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
he proceeded to grab my vagina through my leggings in the middle of the dance floor. strangely enough I was okay with it
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
That girl next to you randomly said that she fits into a queen sized pillow case
WTF.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I'm just trying to find the strength to put my bra back on and come inside
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
the fact that you trapped hornets in a mailing tube to put in his mailbox does not surprise me sadly.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
I know you do it only because of my toyota, but thank you for fucking me. Seriously.
Randomize
