the family i'm sitting with looks like the Addams family. Except for the daughter...she looks like Shrek
i've been throwing up a lot lately. my guess is hangover but who knows morning sickness is always an option
There is a half eaten corn dog and soy sauce on the counter... WTF did you eat last night??
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
let's remember the whole point of NYE: to drink antisocial amounts of antisocial drinks, become incoherent, ruin a carpet, talk to a tree, wake up with head sellotaped to toilet. The where/how is superfluous, my vote goes to a cupboard and a bottle of jaeger Questions?
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
You sent 2 glasses of water to the table next us and told to the waitress they were on you. I repeat: water
I had the bathroom of girls sing you happy birthday while you puked. I couldn't stop laughing. They were all so supportive
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
With gravity the way it is and your butt clearly being the size of a bus you'd break your hip or something
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Bruh, I wanna absorb into the deck.
I wanna become a plank.
God I love xanex.
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