The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
You stressed the importance of not breaking the seal too early... and then proceeded to piss your pants when you sneezed.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
You ate my pie without asking. So don't get butt hurt if I send you link to plus size clothing stores.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
There's nothing wrong with using cocaine to keep my heart rate up in my fitness class.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
If he knew how badly I want to blow him he’d stop talking about his wife
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