I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I just learned that your liver regrows itself every 2 months. Best news I've heard all week.
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
You had me sold at "fucking you down the slide"
It was just a friend comforting a friend. Except his penis was inside of me.
Just saw 1 guy dressed as a cow and another dressed as a shrimp dancing on the side of the road. We're turning around I NEED to dance with them.
Are you complaining because you're getting too much sex to find the time to masturbate?
Well, when you say it like that it sounds silly.
Some kid just popped open a giant PBR and walked into his final...
I'm literally taking a shit naked holding a bottle of wine.
Instead of a fine and a few hours in jail he chose to get tasered, break his neck and shit his pants
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
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