her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
let's be real here, you have a beautiful vagina. this kid is a doctors son. that's a remedy for beautiful rich grandkids. he is just trying water his family tree, and make sure he doesn't end up in some piece of shit adult home. go for it.
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Couldn't find my swimsuit top anywhere this morning but finally found it in the skimmer of the pool so thats how my night apparently went
A homeless man gave him a blanket and an ambulance drove him to sarahs...
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
Omg dude take a shower. You'll feel like god washed away all the sinful shit we did last night.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
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