I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You dont understand. she was my french AND spanish teacher. that's 2 kinds of freaky. i have to find her on facebook.
I like how the only thing you spelled correctly is "i'm tequila"
Ed's in which sucks about a thousand cocks... But thats 1800 less than working with Alex so it's gonna be a good day
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
Just delivered a pizza to a holiday inn and a delivery driver from Me n Ed's walked up at the same time, we both were going to the same floor so we stood in the elevator making small talk about delivery stuff, but a small part of me wanted to deck him, stand over him and shout,"FOR THE HUT MOTHERFUCKER, FOR THE HUT!"
Jesus christ, don't start a pizza delivery gang war.
Your life is quite full of dick lately.
It really is!
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm just glad I met someone who probably won't punch you in the face
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
I can count on one hand the number of good things that happened over the past year.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
