go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
But it's ok cause then I turned my tequila blanket into a tequila comforter and I felt no pain
I'm going to have to include Angry Orchard in my thesis acknowledgements
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
He was wearing a diaper to the party. I've never felt like such a creep in my life.
I just don't understand why we can't have sex in the house. I'll come see you but I'll have to think about the barn thing.
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
Ewe he just snapped me a pic of his butt crack.. Should I be concerned?
Randomize
