brb k???!! plz don't leave i want 2 tlk bout r rltnshp
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
He puked at the bar then immediately procceded to slip in it, they loaded him up into a wheelchair, then the staff and myself walked him outside, all the while never having to pay for our tab. SO using this strategy again
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
I ran into the bouncer who kicked me out of that beach bar a few months ago. I told him I'd only been thrown out of two other places since then. He was proud.
Seriously, even though I keep it clean, I could douse it in bleach and set it on fire and still not be comfortable with you actually holding it. It's been in my VAGINA.
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
of all the things that should kill me, scurvy wont be one of them
Be safe. If you have intercourse with a boy use so many condoms this his penis is no longer recognizable.
You're having marijuana delivered to you. You're buying drugs and you aren't even leaving the house. I'm sure he'll be surprised if you're NOT wearing a bathrobe.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
