Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Check if I'm alive tomorrow. If not, tell my parents I died happy and that there's a gay cheerleader in the spare bedroom
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Awesome morning. I just met my boyfriend's wife, should I have shaken her hand or was the hug a tad over the top?
Petty good. I just stapled a 5 dollar bill onto the chest of a sword swallower.
You were throwing up and said, "Whipe my face, I must look presentable at all times."
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
I think I need a restraining order. I had 15 "selfies" of him on my camera roll......my phone has a lock code on it.
I feel like you're gonna be reading this at 6 AM in a ditch or under a bridge, but please remember...I offered to drive you home. And you said no.
The sad thing is that it's 6:45 and you're not far off.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Two of us got arrested. Gonna be delayed a bit. Save me a burger.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
so does the amount of bruises on my arms and legs mean we had fun last night?
Randomize
