My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
They still haven't come up with a cure for a hangover; good luck cancer.
Dude I'm telling you, conditioner is the best for jerking it in the shower. It feels great and afterwards everything is all smooth
a lady just got escorted out of the bar because she came in carrying a can of gasoline while smoking a cigarette....this place is the definition of class
At chipotle, there's a bachelorette party starting out the night here, i'm going to let you imagine what the bride to be looks like
I'm not saying going to the volleyball games drunk on Tuesday night was a bad idea I'm just saying we shouldn't make a routine of it.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
could hear acupuncture therapist getting blown in the next room over the whale music
Remember the 3 things that are off limits? They're fair game if you get here in the next 5 minutes
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
not sure if actually covered in glitter or just drunk
Ever been to a strip club with one stripper? I have. And she sucked.
Yeah well I fucked my ex on a sink last night soooo booty calls for us all
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