i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
Life lesson: using the oven as a heater= $500 electric bill
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
i turned my shower on this morning and passionfruit pulp came out. how did you even do that?
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
First of all you're supposed to say "you're not fat". And second of all never ever deprive me of nachos.
You know what, don't even answer. Just promise me you'll go to the Corner of Shame when you get home.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
Hey. You got pizza and sex. How much more can you ask for?
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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