at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
our health teacher's ringtone is Bad Romance and she has a tramp stamp. i will not skip this class, ever.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
Yea. I think between making the bride puke, feeling up the maid of honor, and sleeping with a bridesmaid. I did my part.
You need to braveheart it on Monday. Blue face paint and a loin cloth screaming freedom in your front yard.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
In bathroom. Hand in air with cell phone. Help.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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