did you know that the clit is basically just a tiny penis? Ya.. So just think about that next time you're down there.
Pretty girls always come out on top. Or bottom. Whatever. Point is we come out with their boyfriends.
Ever got a vibrator stuck in ur hair? Is worse that getting ur hairbrush stuck.
...well that sucks.
girl in the front row yawned. double jointed jaw. i know where i'll be sitting next class
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I tried calming him down but his eyes are rolling to the back of his head and he's yelling "COMA WEED!"
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
You don't want to cheat on your husband, you just want to fuck someone who isn't him.
I don't question myself. That's what I have you for.
I'm honored.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
Nothing says you made great Saturday night choices like someone's dick that you don't remember, poking you in the ass Sunday morning.
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
Randomize
