I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
he sat in the bathtub shirtless yelling in gibberish for 40 minutes. funniest. stoner. ever.
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
a search helicopter?!
the cop cuffed us all with 40's still taped to our hands
He had a ladies night special at his place. Unlimited jello shots till 10, 50 cents after.
she tends to only attract lesbians and homeless men
There are several different types of life sentences in my purse right now.
well I already know I'm going to hell, at this point it's really go big or go home
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Hi. This might be awkward, but I met you on saturday at about 330 am. I have to admit I don't remember your name, what we talked about, or various details of how I got home. What I do remember is that I was invested enough in getting your number to ask my cab driver for a pen to write it down since my phone was dead. So do you want to meet, soberer, some time?
Hey bro I think you got the wrong number I'm a dude
I last recall trying to play piano and asking justin for drugs. I would like to think I then gracefully laid down on the couch and shut my eyes like a sleeping kitten.
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
Opened my notebook to coke all over the pages. So, if that's any indication on how this weekend went.
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
Randomize
