I'm at a bar that has girls so awful looking even you would not have sex with them.
Well... I doubt that.
i love that we sang a whole new world together while you carried me through campus
i looked up his schedule, waited outside his classroom, and handed him the receipt for plan b
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
future-me showed up mid trip and gave us a thumbs up.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Lol i have proven this trip that I can meet a chick and fuck her within 72 hours no matter where she lives
I like to think it's an accomplishment that I can relate my life to a T-pain song
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
You're right. Cause really... I'm in the back of his head. Even though what I said was better than "I have herpes"... I did once say that to him. So I'm like a reoccurring nightmare.
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
