that's fine. btw we still need $500 for the donkey...
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
When i woke up this morning she asked me 'when did you first find out that you could see the future.' I gotta stop drinking.
my phone cant type all the emotion im having
She literally just puked and rallied AT HER OWN WEDDING. Welcome to White Trash town, America.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
dude, where are you? this beer run has taken so long i read war and peace, took a nap, and shaved 3 times.
4 out of 7 roommates in one month isn't that bad if you think about the fact that 3 of them were in the last 24 hours
Do not tell guys at bars about kittens you rescue. They will walk away.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Am I the only person in the world that does not give a shit about the avengers?
Randomize
