She told me I had to leave by four. We fucked until six thirty and we are the champions played on the way home. Yeah god knew
only clue right now is the orange grease all on my clothes. debit card denied so I know something weird went down..
The key to alley sex is drunkeness.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
My plan for the weekend: 1) Get shit faced in Vegas. 2) Not die
So, no matter what happens today, hold on to this. At least you're not naked under your ex husband's trench coat being stopped by the police who also work with your ex husband. Long story. Actually, not a long story. That's it.
George Washington did not fight for our freedom just to have people shit themselves all night
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
Never drinking before a 6am train again. Just threw up at boarder control and had to pretend it was cause I was pregnant and not cause I trashed.
You make Europe seem so glamorous.
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