He's marrying her, which means that she is his most important person in the world, so you gotta deal with it...okay?
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
he drunkenly confessed to whacking off before coming over so the sex'd be longer. this one's a keeper
We're going on a mission for new porn. And ice cream.
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I don't know if this whole sobriety thing is going to work out... It's only been 3 days and I want to chug vodka
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
And to add, there was a fat guy right next to me who, when the girls would shake their butts, he would let out a shrill xena warrior princess cheer
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
She stopped me mid sex to ask if she could finish my ramen, I've found the one.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
I'm not saying I'm planning to hook up tomorrow but I'm also not saying I'm unprepared for it
YOU GOT ME SO DRUNKK
i got me so drunk!
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