I'm laying in your front yard are you home
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
Finally jerked of with a banana peel.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
I plan on having so much gay sex in our house while you gone.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
I want to tell everyone I've ever met about how he him picking me up and fucking me against the wall was the highlight of my life. Worst lesbian ever.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
I'm so glad you support me having casual sex with your uncle
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
Randomize
