Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
Told some guy to hold your weave while you "tried" to kick his girlfriends ass...
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Did you high five my face last night?
Yes. Yes I did.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
He was telling me about how he's leaving on his Mission next week... While we were having sex in the back of his car.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
