Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
So just to get a feel for things...how prone are you to male Amish strippers...
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
You burped in your shoe and whispered 'you're mine now'
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
