Remember that one time i smeared period blood on your face?
I hate you
I told him to go down on me and when he did he started crying!! I asked him why and he said my vag looked just like his ex girlfriends!!!
Dude, I just cut my asshole on the new toilet paper. If you rationed the grocery money to buy drugs, I better be getting some.
Just deleted any ex boyfriends and potential lovers from my phone in preparation for Vegas...
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
When we were done he got down next to the bed and I thought he was Tebowing. He was hitting a bong that he had already loaded and hidden under the bed.
I saw him and didn't have sex with him. Responsibility five!
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
I don't remember that much at all. But I guess I met this guy from New Zealand and his dog, and then I punched someone in the face.
My Dachshund waddled into the room carrying a rolled-up pad in her mouth with period blood. This day is clearly off to a good start.
Randomize
