Dude someone changed all the contacts in my phone to I Like Eggs
i was looking up hair salons in ithaca for the wedding and one is a hair salon/ sake bar! you can have sake or champagne while you get your hair done!
question, how would one sake-bomb while getting hair done without getting a horrible haircut?
Regardless of the degree, it's probably not good to relate so closely to the Steve-O documentary.
i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
We're sending your burrito through the mail slot.
Oh no I havn't even told you about the naked asians yet
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
she's fucked both of my roommates but not me. i feel like I'm not part of the group anymore
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
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