My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
wait, do i give off the impression that i DON'T want girls to show me their boobs if i video chat with them?
She just sent me a picture of a heart. I need to stop fucking freshman...
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
despite contrary belief, getting peanut butter off your balls is not as easy as it sounds
I cant believe you went home with her.. Your poor immune system and the shit you put it through.
Just made out with a girl I dated in high school, and she told me her girlfriend likes me. I like where this is going.
Only you would have to block the fucking governor of Tennessee from reading your tweets
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
I just dominated some guy while wearing your moms thong
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
You use your abs way more than I realized. Btw multiple orgasms is the best thing I've ever discovered.
Randomize