He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
I have Denny's hours of operations written on the palm of my hand....not in my writing, in a girls writing, is that as good as or equal to a cell number?
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I'm pretty sure that the bartender arranged a marriage for me last night. Sounds like a legit birthday present to me.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
New life goal: Sex in a parking lot surrounded by a circle of fire.
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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