a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
Jesus people on campus asked me what i do for joy. I said i love sinning especially pre-marital sex.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
he literaly had a hockey helmet on and was swan diving off the couch onto the coffee table.
Just write off about 10000+ brain cells and 6 months of your lifespan.
Sounds like a normal friday night
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
I feel like she is getting all kinds of bacterial exposure that may otherwise have been avoided had she been wearing pants
That was the night I passed out and someone threw chicken at me. SORRY I wasn't available to cockblock you from that Hispanic dude.
so third time im replacing the batteries on my vibrator in 2 months #sosingle....on another note though, black beauty is raring to go
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
