I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
Im sending over a girl who thinks youre in the next twilight movie
your the best winggirl ever
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
I wasn't so much your wingman at that point as I was the interpreter of you point at shit and mumbling to the cab driver.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
"If it gets you high just do it" I told him he was the Nike of drug abuse
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
It was like, once I started flashing you, I couldn't stop.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
My mom just asked if I've gotten any girls pregnant how is your day going
Smoking a bowl and ordering Dominos, you want in on either, both, or none?
i almost got into an argument defending my life choices with a guinea pig eating chocolate cake at 4am
Randomize
