i just had sex. the condom broke. we're sleeping in to separate beds. And im in albany
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
i would have smoked before this dance, how ever i have surgery Monday and I looked up weed and anesthesia and fatalities was mentioned, so i decided that it would be a bad idea
probs a good idea
i like the whole idea of life and being alive
you sure you're not high?
He was in me and said I can't believe this happened because of facebook. MOOD KILLER.
There's a transgender game of twister in the basement...God doesnt want me to type this paper.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Apparently i asked the cab driver how much the ride was going to cost, (he said about $25) then i offered him 50 to let me drive the cab...
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
In order to save time, dignity and liver damage, wanna get naked?
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
No idea but I'm preparing for 4 tequila shots and tons of vomit
I just told my mormon professor that I was late because I was getting a STD test... good start to the day.
I just used a bag of jelly beans as an arm weight...I'm not sure what to think of myself
Randomize
