I left my keys in the garlic bread freezer in Publix.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
I was masturbating with the shower head and someone flushed the other toilet. Pretty sure I have 3rd degree burns on my clit.
Stripper pole. Sore legs. More vaca money.
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
You just referred to a pillow with a stolen bra strapped to it as "she". Let that sink in for a minute.
Ive fucked up. im like a feral dog rabidly chasing an infrequent dream amidst a cataclysm of disaster
I’m going to cut back. New Year, New Me
I would never wish less dick on anyone but do what you gotta do
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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