seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
I cant believe that bitch gave me herpes. she said those bumps were just a part of the natural landscape
wait, did she really refer to her vagina as a landscape?
why are you more concerned about her word choice than the fact that I HAVE FUCKING HERPES
when a 14 year old is judging you, you know you've had too much to drink
He came in asked for the bathroom and came out 10 minutes later dripping wet took his redbull and left.
So you plan on doing double washing machine sex? Like. A double date. But with sex. On a washing machine..?
You better be coming back...your date is passed out in a shrub in my backyard and I'm pretty sure her shirt is on my kitchen floor
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
If you die first, I'm going to sleep with a pallbearer at your funeral.
Attempting to sleep without a bra since i got my nips pierced wish me luck. Also almost sent that to my coworker.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
This date is awful. He’s too boring to bang
Is porn accurate? Can I order a pizza and do the delivery boy?
Randomize
