Your dad touched me again.
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
We had to introduce ourselves in ethics class. This guy stood up said I'm mark, I love sluts and Jack. Then just sat back down. Hero status.
she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
sex on a roof was cool and all but that superhero argument was the best part of the night hands down
I'm on my third roll of toilet paper. Today can fuck right off.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
Mass text: You have all failed me. How have the people I loved so much let me go so long in life without ever eating a McRib sandwich?!
I just came in my own mouth don't ask me how cuz it really hurt and felt good at the same time.
Randomize
