Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
I may or may not have puked in my RA's suggestion box.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
It was like the titanic mixed with those sad puppy commercials mixed with jello shots
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
Im so glad I make morally wrong decisions. It's like the best worst thing I've ever done.
I think I fucked someone on the flight home last night.
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
Randomize
