Im eating ham and mustard naked, watching south park, but its totally cool cuz the paper plate is covering my nuts
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Girl. There is the cutest old gay here. He's approximately 100 years old and kind as shit.
Instead of getting a taxi some gay black guy drove us home. He is trying to break into the taxi business
Way to promote small business.
I just used a thesaurus to write a sext...
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I am the Angelina Jolie to his Billy Bob Thorton. We just don't work.
If he's gonna send me dick pics; he should at least zoom in to make it look bigger.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
It wasn't intentional or anything but I've now had sex with all of your siblings. How's college going?
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