Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
i am devastated. she was DTF and I was about to puke, i told her to wait outside my room for a second. Puked. Passed out woke up, she was gone. Found puke stains on my keyboard that seem to spell out youporn....
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I worked with a girl tonight that recognized me solely from a keg stand she witnessed me do sophmore year. Needless to say this made my night
Give me a few hours to remember what being sober feels like.
there is no 'pace myself' on the blackout express
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
DONT YOU DARE DIE YET THERE IS SO MUCH SEX TO BE HAD
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
That's it. I'm moving to LA & sitting on his face.
It's going to turn into you and me throwing down in a devastating lip-synch battle while everyone else stands around awkwardly.
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Randomize
