I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Just so you know, the bottle of red gatorade is NOT GATORADE. It is definitely someone's puke. I hope nobody else makes the same mistake I did.
Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
1. Sorry about making it snow. 2. If it left a mess, I will be over to clean it. 3. Can that fire extinguisher still be used? If not, I'll buy a new one. 4. I just wanted to make it snow!
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
You're the only person I know who would be upset about making out with a girl you like. You're like a drunken Charlie Brown.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
It was a great idea to buy that cocaine while dressed as an elf. It snowed all night for me.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Does fucking him in the back of the car with the sun roof retracted count as star gazing?
Randomize
