yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
He came through my line today and bought designer impostor perfume, just for men gel, and astroglide. I almost DIED.
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
We removed her tutu and her cape, so there's no risk of her strangling herself.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
He deserves a nobel prize for his dick-giving abilities. 10/10, would ride again.
I gave your mom a discount on her coffee, its my way to say thanks for having a son that makes me come every time
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