When I came home you were watching infomercials, eating croutons out of the box and salsa from a funnel. Well done.
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
2 classes, 3 finals, and $30 worth of adderall until this semester is over.
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Got a thumbs up from a trucker for doing lines on the interstate. God bless america.
Oh nbd. She just had sex with a divorcee. On a charter bus. At 10 a.m. On a Thursday.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Waking up at a teachers house is a very confusing thing
This town is a penis wasteland. I haven't seen a suitable penis in months. This is becoming an emergency situation. I need penis in my life
I've got five complains from the landlord about she being too loud during sex in two weeks I'm marrying her
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