It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
Actions speak louder than pants.
I'm pretty sure we got the cab driver deported
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Witnessing a crazy lady on the bus screaming about how romney is one of the four horsemen of the apocalypse.
be warned: you might find a baby hampster in my bra
I walk in and my roomie is fucking her bf while wearing lingerie and minnie mouse ears. Right in the childhood.
This is the I'm sorry text for running around yelling don't shit on my rainbow, end up in the fetal position crying at 4 am in my car because someone shit on my rainbow
When that bartender tried to tell us he sang like Sade, I knew it was time to go
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
I still can't believe that dog licked my nipple.
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
From now on he's gonna have to shave first. It feels like I got eaten out by a chainsaw!
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