Haha no. But I cannot hook up with you anymore. Especially when you group text people.
Whatever my ex gf's roomates talked shit about me so I jizzed in their shampoo bottle one night
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
She just took off her shirt and jumped in the kiddie pool. We're not leaving.
Omg you had literally better be on fire, drowning, and being crucified all at the same time to be calling me at 7:30 in the goddamn morning.
HOW DID YOU GET DEPORTED FROM THE BAHAMAS
got fuckng wasted at spring training, got a lap dance at le girls, got a burrito at filibertos, and still made it to my 5 o'clock eco class wearing a bikini top....I love Arizona State University
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
This is my punishment for trynna have a festive time with a stranger. I always forget you can't get weird with one night stands
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
I find it weird that you'll let me in your vagina, but not your house
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
I saw a drunk guy run across the street with an American flag between his buttcheeks.
Randomize
