Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
i havent had this much fun since the last time i farted and it created a boner.
After you pregamed and were plastered you saw the cop was parked illegally so you gave him a citizens arrest
woke up with withdrawal cold sweats this morning. spring break must really be over.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
We should drive around in your Jeep on snow days and get stoned while we help random strangers stuck in the snow. So much good karma.
Looking through last night's sexting, realized one is a haiku..
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize