Are you drinking alone?
no, i'm watching house
That doesn't count.
wtf, then i'm always alone
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
good news: I made it out of bed and into shower. Bad news: I made it back to bed without clothes. Worse news: I don't know this bed.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
yea but i missed the pot and poured the boiling water on my dick. shit hurts. aint nothin easy about that mac
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
I haven't answered because I haven't figured out a polite way of saying fuck no
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
Last night we proved the theory that "harder" is the worst rough sex safe-word ever.
Randomize
