I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
you called me at 4 in the morning to tell me that your toaster burnt your english muffin, and that you "fuckin hated that thing."
Is it a bad thing I remember to take my birth control when I stumble across guys I've had sex with on facebook?
Just made nachos out of string cheese and sunchips and laying in my bed watching babay einstion..get on my level
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
It's a journey
And the destination is his penis?
Precisely.
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
Your vagina is like Nancy Drew lately.
Um..... I have taste. The only thing I am going to bedazzle is my vagina.
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
Randomize
