You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
Is it wrong to beat off to a girl to determine if you like her or not?
I like complaining with weaving words and complex sentences. It makes me seem more sophisticated and less bitchy.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I'm not a home wrecker but if one more married man with a yacht asks me to go scuba diving I'm NOT saying no
Sweet. Warning: i have been drinking at work since 4. Plan accordingly.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
is it weird to think that girls born in '96 are now legal?
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
going on a mission to find my pants and the guy who stole my beer don't wait up
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
