Dude, I'm in her bathroom and there's crab shampoo... is it worth the risk?
You're missing what this discovery implies... she's got a fucking bush.
I wish there were wingman of the year awards.
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
now i know why i became what i already was.
Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
i ordered 12 mcnuggets at mcdonalds and ended up getting 20. for free. miracles really do happen when your high.
Why did 20 jello shots in a row sound like a good idea last night?
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I can only use one eye at a time. And if I want to listen, I have to close both of them.
i think i just asked a donut if it was ok
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
Thank god for Taco Bell keeping you out of jail
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
It's like Guy Diamond blew glitter into my vagina.
Randomize
