Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
My farts smell like St. Pauli Girl. Last night was too much for a Monday.
This guy just brought his piggy bank into the bar with him. Talk about corruption of childhood.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Did i throw a brick at someone last night?
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
I'm not wearing underwear, I started my period this morning, and it's super windy. Recipe for disaster?
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
I called her 20 times. Apparently she went home to do MORE shots before bed. Didnt miss me until this morning. WHO FORGETS THEIR HIGHSCHOOL SISTER AT A FRAT?
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
I need a "no soliciting" sign for your dick
New Serial podcast is out. We can listen to it tonight instead of having sex.
I woke up with "To whom it may concern" sharpied on my dick
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
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