Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
so i made out with some dude last night at the bar. and some girl just stood there and watched. i felt bad so i made out with her too. She looked like she felt left out.
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
Def just threw up beer then brushed my teeth with some randos toothpaste now back to drinkin beer
What would you say is the recommended tip for a hotel maid who has to clean up vomit on just about every surface of a hotel bathroom?
I apologize for tapping your ass. It was a friendly tap. Like Casper. Ya know
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
I just saw your mom take a body shot off an undergrad, please tell me you're somewhere near by.
We lost you in the bar so we waited outside for you...next thing you know you kick open the doors and yell "I'M ALIVE"
Also, I'm not that drunk, but I'm thinking of pulling the blinds all the way up and casting some porn up onto the living room TV to establish dominance over our neighbors.
Randomize
