i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I woke up with his wallet, but not him. Gold-digging at it's finest.
Housing is going to charge us for any broken dishes/glassware. Steal as many glasses as you can from the bars tonight. I got the baking dish and 3 plates covered.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
This isnt meant to be as creepy as it sounds, but do you seriously want a lock of the hair I cut off?
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I've made out with more people in 2014 than I did the whole fall semester
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Tinder in Coventry is like browsing a gallery of mugshots from Azkaban
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Randomize
