Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
NEVER shave your cleavage hair.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Wait, is this the kid that tried catching a bat in your backyard with a flashlight and a ball of tin foil?
Oh my god. You have got to get off that breast feeding support group. They're on to you, dude.
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
It's 4am & this guy is asleep with his junk still inside me..really rethinking my life
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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