Apparently faking a threesome isn't as much fun as you'd think
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Show him your tits if he says no
They're not help-me-out-of-jams tits. They're I-fake-people-into-thinking-they-look-good tits.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
Can we put this graduation on the shelf figuratively and go drink
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
