I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
just shottied a beer can with a pumpkin carver. i love October.
Sometimes I stop and laugh and think "and these are my actual life choices".
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
But hes like a baby bird with a broken wing that i want to FUCK.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
It's hard picking what to wear when you know the plan is sex. Like can't I just wear my robe let's just simplify this.
I kept telling you not to give them blowjobs, but you kept screaming back, "it's okay, we're friends on facebook!"
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize