pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
a guy in a toll booth on I-90 told me to fuck off for not being a red sox fan. i am going to miss massachusetts very much.
she was left over bi-product, like the hotdog of the human race
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
studying for my Anatomy final and masturbating to Japanese porn are practically the same thing
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Ok wear gym clothes just in case we feel like going shitfaced to the gym
I call BS on that! THAT WAS TOTALLY AN INTERCEPTION. JENNINGS HAD THAT.
PEOPLE ARE FLIPPING FURNITURE HERE. IN THE ROOM ABOVE ME. I HEARD SOMEONE WOOKIE CALL IN ANGER FROM SOMEWHERE IN THIS BUILDING.
I'd be lying if I said I wasn't scared, even a little.
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
Please hurry. I'm the only one here who's not an attorney with a trophy wife.
I vaguely remember losing my underwear to 2 chicks in a bathroom. That drunk.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
I have standards. Maybe not when it comes to men.. but definitely when it comes to sex
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