Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
he wasnt completely random
you're right. you met him once and didnt know his name. you still dont
i get things done.
He called my vagina a rainforest. This is coming from a guy whose pubes are longer than his dick.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
So how did it go?
I'm not sure if it was all the eggnog or all the alcohol, but hosting an eggnog pong tournament was a mistake.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
I think we might need a safe word for this...
You kept sayin "its alright, I'm pre-med" to everything we said. EVERYTHING.
Randomize
