i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
you kept lying down on the floor at the bar just to prove you could get back up
I'm still reeling over the fact that you beat us all at Risk while you were flat on your ass drunk and falling asleep on South America.
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Been in the ER for 3 hours now. This hospitals transition to paperless is not going well. But my doctor looks like Elton John and just gave me percocet
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
Not sure I just ate a really big pot brownie, I feel like my future is uncertain
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
We're just Facebook friends. Use guy logic. I tapped your wife in high school, 20 years and 60 lbs ago, when she was hot and experimental. Why would I mess with that now? It would ruin the vivid memories of her that I keep in my spank bank.
I will find you...
Lol I think I might have been a little aggressive last night there is a blue ass print from your jeans on my wall
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
It's sunday night and I just went to the store to buy cookie dough and condoms, I'm so proud of myself.
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
