that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
I'm basically just sitting in the porta poTty finishing my bottle of champagne bc I am too lazy to carry it back to the tailgate
Codeine + Boredom = Sprinting between my front and back door.
I walked in her room to find her rubbing lotion on her face high as fuck.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
My alarm clock on my phone was changed to Fat Bottom Girls over the weekend, and I just now noticed. I'm actually okay w that after Mardi Gras. Well done, random. Well done.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
There's a lady lying down on the sidewalk in front of our building smoking a cig
My horseshoe mustache feels at home at this bar.
Dude, why did I wake up with ketchup packets in my bed and the stove in my room??
Throwing up into Nora's potty chair while simultaneously having beer shits was truly the highlight of my Christmas season.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
Randomize
