So ps i'm not pregnant with any athletes illegitimate children : )
no, he came in my armpit
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
There's been so much talk around your vagina it's like a local celebrity
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
We just started the day with vitamin bombs. Daily vitamin + whatever's left in your glass from last night = feel like a champion
I just can't deal with that sentence
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I love you. Doing a double. Going to die. It will be painful. Let the world know i partied. God, did i party.
it was weird i started the party in just my underwear and woke up in my clothes
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
