i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
I wish I only lived at night.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
Afternoon delight is playing while I take a shit at mcdonalds
Who put my cat in the fridge?
I feel like a dancer trapped in the body of a math instructor. Love, Mom
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